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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

what the hell is life about anyway?

Recently I've been wondering why I am here. What is the point of life? I guess I've always thought of life as a means to grow, learn, becoming a better person, move onto the next challenge. But I'm just so confused lately that I don't really know what to think anymore. Here I am, completely lost in California without a degree or any idea about what I want to do with my life. I mean, I have some ideas but nothing really sticks out in my mind. Not to mention that I can't afford to go to a four year college. I suppose I could go part time while working full time and just work for it, even though it would take much longer. That brings me to a problem that I have. I have always dealt with the feeling that I am waiting for my life to start, when really...this is my life, right now. The daily bullshit, boredom, fights, confusion, stop lights, random conversations with strangers...but I just can't accept that THIS is my life. I'm getting there, I guess...but still I find myself "waiting" for what's to come. If I keep that up, I'm going to be waiting my entire life for my life to start, which doesn't make any sense. I am hoping that writing every day is going to help me realize what life's about. If anyone has any suggestions on how to live day to day, I'd love to hear them!

Good things about today:

I got to watch Belle have a blast at the park.
Reading my book.
Hearing from an old friend (thanks Alex :) )
Beautiful weather.
Lane's cat actually letting me pet her.
& ... I ate Mike & Ikes.