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Sunday, November 16, 2008

wherever i go, there i am

when i'm lonely i eat and i shop. i've been doing both. the past week has been rough, realizing that not being in a relationship is harder than i expected. i can't seem to fill the void within me and i need to learn how to do that without needing another person to fill it for me. i know i can be alone and not need to be searching for someone to make me feel whole; to make me feel loved. i just need to trust that and start filling that void with other things and other people in my life, not necessarily someone romantic.

i am disappointed that i won't be going home for christmas. no snow?! i don't know what i am going to do! i also signed up to work on christmas, which i did so that i'd be distracted from not being in new hampshire. i guess it's time to move on. things aren't the same anymore, no sense in pretending. i've gotta start my life out here and accept that nothing lasts forever and to enjoy the memories! why is it that when i think of a great memory, i feel sad? shouldn't i feel happy that it happened and not sad that it's gone? such a strange feeling; i guess it wouldn't be the same if there wasn't that sadness. recently i've been missing the way that it feels in new hampshire during the fall with the leaves falling and blowing around in the wind, the chill and the need for a hat and gloves and the anticipation of the first snow. i've also been missing georgia and riding my bike to work everyday and being stable and settled. someday though, i'll miss this house i'm in now and this town and these people. that's why i should embrace every second.

things to enjoy everyday:

- how crazy customers can be.
- music.
- belle's excitement when i come home from work and her stinky breath.
- my roommates and the silly things we laugh about!
- soy latte's.
- reading.
- lunch breaks.
- smiles
- LAUGHING (said in very loud, monotone voice)
- best of craigslist
- memories
- friends (even if they're far away)
- people

some friends that i miss and would like for them to know i am thinking of them! *and some fun memories we had as well*.....

snoopie clendenin - "mmmmmeyum meyum meyum" = best noise in the whole world and riding around on the gator during work crew (specifically dropping a chair, not realizing it, and then noticing that george drove AROUND it, through trees, instead of getting out and picking it up)

lynde leigh brown - drinking during work crew down on the beach, you mooning julia, and you and i picking up a snake and throwing the poor thing around! OH, and me using your ID when you were at the same table as me at pat's pizza.

toenails patronick - snoop and i jumping on you in the morning during work crew and your reply "thanks, pricks"....and brad thinking that your head bobbing around in the water was a puppy dog. OH and when i almost ran that red light in manch-vegas.

jenelle prince - "the lost world"....the game we made up when we were twelve....and "sten"....the word we made up when we thought we were super cool 5th graders. and my dad driving you to UNH and singing some weird song to you on the way.

ashton dasey - peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches, "with panache", being smashed on public property...drinking wine in the dorm room and playing cranium by ourselves, driving around in your convertible with fuzzy hoods on blasting baba o'reilly.

julia held- you dancing to gwen stefani on your crutches, the halloween party and all that ensued, and getting told we were UGLY BITCHES by a homeless woman.

melvin lloyd - my mom PAID for those peanuts, "reminds me of nam", and snowboarding and somehow an elastic attaching our snowboards while on the chairlift, causing us to fall over when we got off.

reshaun parks - going to see puppies at the store and laughing hysterically all the time, and that dream that a friend had of you and you were mufasa from the lion king in the clouds.

janna barton - contra dancing, gross lunch at brevard cafeteria everday, and our weekly trip to the rock gym :)