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Sedona, Arizona, United States
~Adventure Seeker ~ Animal Lover ~ Lifetime Learner ~ Battling Lyme ~ Contact: emily.sukiennik@me.com

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Defeat


Here I am sitting at work after two straight days of attempting the Mt. Tam highline, 115 feet of pure difficulty, and I have again been defeated. I know that I can walk that line, I know that I have the physical skills and ability, but I was not allowing myself to be in the right mental space to do so. I sat there and my thought process started off fine, but was actually way off; "you are fine, this is where you want to be, just stand up because you know you can, feel the line underneath you....but don't fall, and if you fall you will be fine....". Its interesting, if you even think about falling at all, you fall! For a while sending lines was super important to me. I wanted to be the BEST at what I do. But what I've realized is that's too much pressure for me and that's not why I am involved in the sport to begin with. After trying, and trying, and trying yesterday and falling, and falling, and falling I realized that it's OK for me to accept defeat. It's okay to feel beaten and tired and say "enough". It's okay to feel good about how hard I tried even if I didn't reach my goal. The real reason that I love slacklining and highlining so much is the challenge, the people and the community, not the statistics or how good I am compared to others (although it's difficult to let go of that sometimes!). I grew and learned a lot yesterday without making it all the way across. I laughed a lot yesterday without making it all the way across. I enjoyed watching others try and I even feel accomplished without making it it all the way across. Go me! :-)