I used to write a lot. I loved to share my life and my experiences with people through words. My life was very exciting back then and I had a lot to share! It was so rewarding to share my life, receive feedback and hear about people's similar experiences. It was also such a joy to serve as an inspiration for others pursuing an adventurous lifestyle and outdoor sports. I wrote about highlining and what that was like for me, some of the internal struggles I was going through and about my personal progression as both an athlete and a human being. When I got sick in 2012 (which you can read about in previous blog posts) I not only slowed down in my outdoor pursuits but I also started to feel like there wasn't as much to write about anymore. I was so used to writing about my adventurous lifestyle yet I was dealing with my health and fighting an internal struggle that I wasn't sure my audience would be interested in hearing about. I started noticing that because I wasn't posting epic photos like I had for so many years, I wasn't getting as many "likes" or comments as I once had. I thought, "maybe people just don't care unless it's about highlining?" I continued to post for a while about what I was going through health wise. Still, I wasn't getting the same amount of feedback as I once had. This was discouraging and led me to believe that my story was just no longer interesting. I slowly started to fade from social media, deleted my public facebook page where I had gained many followers and started to turn into more of a private person. I think that this had to do with the health changes in my life as well as a battle that I've always had with my ego. I didn't really want to be someone that needed attention online to feel fulfilled. I felt like perhaps I was seeking something through social media, validation maybe, that really wasn't what I wanted my life to be about. Whatever my reasons were, I changed my relationship with social media and started to focus on my day to day life; more specifically, my health.
Health became my number one focus after that. I was working daily to try and discover what was causing my symptoms and finding new ways to manage them. It was all trial and error because despite my Lyme Disease test being positive, no doctor could tell me how to manage it or what to do to feel better. Being sick like I was, honestly, was one of the hardest things I've ever been through in my life. Although I had a tremendous amount of support from my husband, my family and my friends, I had never felt so alone. I think that's the most challenging part about being sick. Nobody, no matter who they are, is going to completely understand what you are going through. I became not only physically sick but also a bit depressed. I couldn't escape my own body and my body was not a place I wanted to be anymore. As time went on, I fell deeper and deeper into isolation. I was not as active due to my symptoms and not as social due to the emotional aspects of being sick. Daily tasks were difficult, not to mention trying to work. Eventually, my mother-in-law gave me the opportunity to see an Integrative Doctor who was trained to think differently than most MD's and that's when everything started to change for me. This doctor tested my gut for dysbiosis (imbalance) and food allergies which ultimately altered my whole life's trajectory. I was able to eliminate foods that were causing tremendous inflammation in my body as well as restore balance within my digestive tract, allowing me to feel more and more normal. I honestly couldn't believe it. Being sick for so long, I had lost hope that I would ever feel normal or like myself ever again. It's still a shock to me when I wake up and am able to function like a real human.
Periodically throughout the years I would get messages from people about my past: how I had influenced them, how they had enjoyed watching my videos or how I had even taught them to slackline at one point. These moments continually brought me back to that time and how it felt being such an influential person. I felt, each time someone reached out, that I missed what I did and I missed sharing my life on such a deep level. But, how could I find a healthy balance and be sure that I didn't get sucked into social media like it so easily lures us? I am writing this now because this is something I am still struggling with. I want to share my life with others, I want to write and be open about my life experiences, my emotions and all of the things that I find important in this life. But, I want to be sure that I am staying balanced. I find it ironic that I was so great at physical balance when I was highlining yet I still struggle with balance in other areas of my life today. I suppose that's part of all of this: figuring out how to live on this planet the best way that we can. I want to continue to be honest about what I'm going through because not only does it help me to write it out, but perhaps it will spark a conversation about issues that are not as often talked about. Thanks for listening and until next time!
