Neverland

When I was 5 years old

I wished upon a star

Sprinkled a bit of fairy dust

Summoning him from afar

I begged and begged and wished and wished

That Peter Pan would come

And take me to Never Never Land

Where age was just a sum

Of all the years that came before

This place was but a dream

No fear, no pain, or sadness there

Merely a place to flee

The struggles of daily life were hard

And I wanted so badly to go

I begged and begged and pleaded to the sky

That Peter would have me in tow

When I was 23, thank God

My dream had finally come true

I found a place in the world just like

The Neverland I had come to know

Wild and free and open and wide

The desert called to me

I fell in love with the sand and the sky

I swore I would never leave

Years went by and I became one of them

The lost boys, they went by

I played and laughed and ran and sang

The real world rules did not apply

No commitment and no real plan

My life was by the wind

I tried and tried for 12 straight years

But I would never truly fit in

I tried to leave many a time

The vortex pulling me back

I drank the water from the natural spring

And that was my setback

There came a point where I realized

There is a time to grow up

We can be kids forever and ever

But will that fill us up?

Adventure and play and fun and sun

Those are all wonderful things

But all in all, and as it goes

We all must spread our wings

Into the unknown, I venture now

Hoping for so much more

Than the life I’ve lived as a friend of the lost boy

I know there is much in store

Remembering you

I got married and divorced and you’ve had a life too But tucked deep within the hideaways in my heart, you’ve been there Just like all of our memories that I hold so dear Seeing you smile again, remembering you, it’s been too good to be true A lifetime ago, before my marriage, it was you

The fibers of you and me

The last thing you ever bought me Was a beige and fuzzy vest     I put it in the dryer And it turned into a matted mess

I spent hours and hours 

Combing out the tousled furr

Hoping I could mend what was burnt and tangled

But that’s exactly what we were

I cried and cried and I didn’t know why

This immaterial vest was no longer new

And it would never look the same

As the day I received it from you

New Life Within Me

Sitting on that thin and wobbly line, I had never felt so frightened and alone. Purely existing in that immense quiet, listening to my own slow breath, I wasn’t sure that what I was attempting was even possible for someone like me. Standing up and falling too many times to count, feeling the sharp line tear at my legs and palms as I caught the line, I felt defeat but also a silent power emanating from the last light. I knew somewhere deep inside of me that I actually did have the strength. I made the choice to stand up proudly, standing taller than anyone in that valley. My first steps were shaky and a light breeze blew past my grimaced face. Focusing solely on a freshly bloomed flower on the opposite cliffside, step by step, I slowly traversed the longest 70 feet I had ever walked. My eyes glued to that new life, I sensed a new life within me too.

Photo by Eric Rsmsn, 2009
Hole Rock Highline, Napa Valley, CA

Roots

Twelve US states and twenty plus moves,

I’ve wandered around, only having myself to soothe

The fear, the unknown, the uncertainty and the strife,

Even if you didn’t know me, you could cut it with a knife

East coast and west coast and everywhere in between, 

It was only a matter of time before I would want to leave

Taught from birth that when things got tough, 

The best thing to do was to leave things in the dust

Sometimes I feel more like a bird than a person,

Wondering what it would have been like to have stayed by the ocean

Instead, soaring from place to place 

Seeking newness, adventure and a new smiling face

Observing those with families and kids,

Sitting inside their white picket fence

I can’t help but think they're more like trees,

Roots buried so deep, they could never leave

The lessons learned and the hearts that were broken,

I wouldn’t trade it for any golden token

This place and that place and her and him,

I wouldn’t be me without all of them

All of the people and all of the places,

I will never forget the countless faces

And perhaps roots are different for us,

Less about grounding and more about love