Things I'm looking forward to in 2010!

- New Years! Although I have no plans yet, I'm looking forward to what comes to be...
- Seeing The Lovely Bones in theatres!
- The SLC Outdoor Retailer Show w/ Libby!
- Chris coming back to the states in March!
- My best friend in the world is getting married this coming summer, goodness! Marriage? What is that?
- My little Bellina turns 3.
- My little sister turns 21.
- I'm traveling to Europe for a slackline/highline excursion in July and August!
- More to come...

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions for 2010

* Learn to be content and happy alone (don't base happiness on others!)*

* Live in the moment, every day! Learn to see that's there's always something beautiful if you just look*

*  NO EXPECTATIONS - LET IT BE*

*Don't make excuses, just do it (in terms of highlining of course)*

One of my New Year's Resolutions for 2010 is to learn to be comfortable and happy alone. On Christmas this year, because I couldn't be home for the holiday's, I took my dog to the park and watched her dig holes (she put on quite the show), drove around blasting random music that I love (Radiohead & The National specifically), sat on top of Indian Rock in Berkeley to watch the sunset, and went out for a drink with friends. I actually allowed myself to have fun alone; it's seems that I've realized one of the secrets to life!

Happiness comes from within....wherever you are, in that moment.

I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg (The best book ever)

I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg 

I like you and I know why.
I like you because you are a good person to like.
I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it's special
And you remember it a long, long time.
You say, Remember when you told me something special
And both of us remember 

When I think something is important
you think it's important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny, you laugh
I think I'm funny and you think I'm funny too
Hah-hah!

I like you because you know where I'm ticklish
And you don't tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes
But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too
You know how to be silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you

I like you because you know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Too late, it's a quarter past silly
Sometimes we don't say a word

We snurkle under fences
We spy secret places
If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off
You are one too
If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump
HOORAY 

That's because you really like me
You really like me, don't you
And I really like you back
And you like me back and I like you back
And that's the way we keep on going every day 

If you go away, then I go away too
or if I stay home, you send me a postcard
You don't just say Well see you around sometime, bye
I like you a lot because of that
If I go away, I send you a postcard too

And I like you because if we go away together
And if we are in Grand Central Station
And if I get lost
Then you are the one that is yelling for me 

And I like you because when I am feeling sad
You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things
It takes time 

I like you because if I am mad at you
Then you are mad at me too
It's awful when the other person isn't
They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about punch them in the nose 

I like you because if I think I am going to throw up
then you are really sorry
You don't just pretend you are busy looking at the birdies and all that
You say, maybe it was something you ate
You say, the same thing happened to me one time
And the same thing did 

If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one
If I find four, I give you two
If we only find three, we keep on looking
Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't 

If I break my arm, and if you break your arm too
Then it's fun to have a broken arm
I tell you about mine, you tell me about yours
We are both sorry
We write our names and draw pictures
We show everybody and they wish they had a broken arm too 

I like you because I don't know why but
Everything that happens is nicer with you
I can't remember when I didn't like you
It must have been lonesome then 

I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
So many reasons

On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July
On the fifth of July, I like you too

If you and I had some drums and some horns and some horses
If we had some hats and some flags and some fire engines
We could be a HOLIDAY
We could be a CELEBRATION
We could be a WHOLE PARADE
See what I mean? 

Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place particular in January
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
That's how it would happen every time
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I really like you
Why do I like you
I guess I just like you
I guess I just like you because I like you.

Moab Pics!!!

My first walk of The Spliff, 76 ft.
Moab, Utah
 

Walking back, The Spliff, 76 ft.

The Spliff, again!

Again.....it was my favorite line to play on!

:-)

Me on the 102 footer, laughing at myself

Sending it!! 102 feet, "The Bub"

330 footer

Yesterday I went to Cedar Rose Park in Berkeley to set up a 330 ft. longline with Damian. My parent's were in town for a few days so I wanted to show them what a Longline looked like! It was a beautiful day, and we all had a great time. The line was pretty difficult; I only got about half way across but I came to a great realization about slacklining. The realization was....just have fun! I put my headphones on and just had a blast walking on that line in the beautiful sunshine. Even though I couldn't walk it all the way, I was satisfied. It really feels great to relax about everything, finally.

Gear....

Gear that I really want/need for rigging my own badass highlines:

* Petzl ID

* Slack Banana

*Ascender

$$$...

Today, I had the pleasure of wasting 3 hours trying to install/renew my anti-virus software as well as spending an unnecessary 40 of my precious dollars. Gotta love that!


But, in better news....my car has been repaired! Finally, after two weeks, it's ready. Brand new brake pads, a new fuel pump, something about an O ring and steering fluid....I am 968 dollars poorer. But I'm free!!!!!!! I can drive wherever I pleeeease!


A spendy, but good day. I would also like to recommend the song "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez. Peace!

Gobble Gobble Bitches Yeah 2

I had such a wonderful time on my week trip to Yosemite and Moab! We started out in Yosemite where we hiked up the Yosemite Falls trail to walk the long Spire line (115 feet I believe), but when we got up there, there were about 60 mph winds! It was unreal. So cold with the windo chill. We were all laughing hysterically as the line flew up and down in the wind. The only soul brave enough to try the line was Kornie, and he gave it about 3 respectable go's! He got about 10 steps or so and then said his toes were numb and he was confused about where he was. HA! Kinda funny if you think about it....standing in the middle of an abyss. Anyway! We wanted to wait for the weather to clear up but it wasn't looking good, so the next day we hiked back down in the snow to Camp 4 where we camped for the night. I passed out pretty early but I do remember lots of noise coming from the Polock's tent. :-P

The next day we decided to rig the Taft Point line, which is about 100 feet I think....but when we got to the Glacier Point Pass that would take us up there, it was closed!!!! SO BUMMED. I was psyched to try that line because it is right within my range of difficulty. Instead, we drove further down the road to a place called Mariposa Grove, where we set up a 150 ft. mid-line amongst the GIANT Sequoias. It was beautiful, and I walked it on my second try! It was great training for me because it was just high enough but the exposure was minimal. I felt really solid on it. I finally found a way to relax on the line; I've started repeating "in the moment, in the moment" with each step and it truly helps me realize the beauty of where I am and how capable my body is. Janek did a free solo of it, which was cool to watch. The SICK photo below is of Brian on the line, taken by Jordan Tybon (props!). OH! and this day....Brian and I were wrestling and my tooth collided with his head.....leaving my tooth loose! It still is, almost a week later. Uh oh....

The next day we set out on our 16 hour journey to Moab, UT where we would meet up with a bunch of highliners from across the US. The ride was extremely long, but the company was great. We even listened to Lord of the Rings on tape....which was, needless to say, hilariously entertaining. We arrived mid-day on the 23rd of Nov. and there were already 2 highlines rigged. One 40 footer and one 76. I started out on the 40 to warm up which I onsight full-babed (meaning- walked it on my first try, both directions). My first onsight full-babe! We had a campfire that night and laughed and laughed and laughed.

The next day I got on the 76 footer and walked it both directions...felt SUPER soild on it! Spent a lot of time on that line training my mind...back and forth. Then hopped on the 62 footer that Janek rigged, which felt kind of strange actually. Didn't feel so great on that line for some reason, maybe it was the tension (it was a bit tighter than the other ones). So....now I had walked three of 4 lines that were up, the next one being the 102 foot line. My personal best was set at about 90 feet and I really wanted to break that on the trip. The 102 footer was looming at me and I really started to freak out about it. For me, most of highlining is mental (and I think that's the case for most people). I know I can walk an 100 foot line. I've walked way longer than that close to the ground! So, clearly I was inhibiting myself mentally. I tried about 4 or 5 times and fell over and over again. I even got about half way across and fell, which was devestating!! I totally felt like I was in the zone. I decided to take a break, and that's when Jerry started to attempt the 177 foot line that had just gone up. (Below is a photo of 3 of the lines, the 62, the 76 and the 102....Janek, Kornie, and Damian)

I spent the rest of the day watching Jerry and others attempt the 177 foot line, which was honestly one of the most beautiful lines I have ever seen. I just sat in AWE of it....it was SO long, so exposed, so.....perfect. I was sure that Jerry would on-sight it, but he didn't. It's really crazy to some of the best slackliners be beaten! It reminds me that we are all human, and all struggle. Jerry gave it lots of go's, and then Mike Payton got on. He gave it about 2 or 3 tries, falling each of them. Then, on his 4th try he got into it....We all sat together on the ledge watching, gripping eachother with each step he took. Silence. He was still walking. His focus was apparent and he took his time like I've never seen before, catching his balance, breathing, fighting....and a full 10 minutes later....he reached the end. VICTORY!!!!! First Ascent of the Great Bong-gina (yes, we named it the Great Bong-gina). It was like watching a film!! I hope that everyone get's the chance to witness something of that nature at some point in their lives. I wanted to cry I was so happy for Mike (Photos coming soon).

Later that day, I got back on the 102. I was so worked up inside and was letting everything just take over my mind....So, I decided to just stay "in the moment", to focus on each movement, each sound, each feeling. I stood up and started to walk. I repeated my mantra over and over again, only straying from this phrase a few times. I focused on Jeremy's green jacket as he slept on the other side of the line. Breathe.....I was in the zone! Sometimes it takes a little while to get there, but I did. I was half-way; past the hard part. I just need to maintain focus and I had it. DONE! PURE Adrenaline and joy came over me. SO HAPPY. :-) PERSONAL RECORD = 102 feet.

Later that day, I witnessed Andy walk the 177 footer, and on my hike out, I turned around and there was Jerry.....sending the line. Such a great way to leave....

(More photos to come....Brian has the camera :-P )

Back from Yosemite and Moab!

Brian sent the Lost Arrow Spire Highline!!! Here is one of the best shots I've actually ever seen of this line....so proud of him!

I am now back from Moab (sadly!) and have so much to tell about...I'm just not yet in the mood to write it all down. So I will wait until tomorrow. Good news though: I sent all the lines I wanted to! :-) I look forward to writing about my trip and remembering all of the hilarious occurrences. I guess I'll say one thing: I learned of a new pastime called "Trundling", which is the act of throwing rocks off of cliffs. A jolly good time, actually!

I've got big plans...

Just you wait and see.

Challenges

Hey everyone...sitting at work this lovely monday morning thinking about what to write. The only thing that I can think about right now is how badly I want to be in Yosemite with everyone!! Got a call from Brian this morning telling me that they were about to start hiking up the Falls Trail to rig the Lost Arrow Spire line....AH! I guess it's just my turn to miss out....but I really hope that Brian sends it! He's tried once and failed, so he will get it for sure this time (considering he just sent a much longer line a few days ago). He is a lot more prepared this time around. I just wish I could be there to see it happen! He will be back soon though and we will leave for our trip to Moab. YAY!!! God I love highlining....I can't even explain what it does to me, and what's it's done for my life. I feel complete when I am out there, challenging myself like I never have before, both mentally and physically, and overcoming the essence of fear. It's like I am finally truly living.

Brian sends the Mt. Tam Highline!

Yesterday, Brian and the slackers from Poland (Jan, Dameon, Kornie, and Jordan) went back up to Mt. Tam for their last day. Kornie, Jordan and Brian hadn't yet sent the line and we're determined to! I told them I better get a text message when someone sent....and sure enough, I got a text that Brian sent! 115 feet long, 4,000 feet above sea level and 80 feet of the deck....he full manned it! (For those of you reading this that don't know what full-man is, it means he walked it in both directions, that badass). I am so proud of him! It feels just as great to see someone else succeed. That's what I love about highlining and longlining!!

Anyway...today Brian left with them to go to Yosemite for a few days before we leave for Moab. I wish I could have joined, but I have to work (such is life!). I can't wait for Moab....terrifying highlines galore! 3 days!!

Defeat

Here I am sitting at work after two straight days of attempting the Mt. Tam highline, 115 feet of pure difficulty, and I have again been defeated. I know that I can walk that line, I know that I have the physical skills and ability, but I was not allowing myself to be in the right mental space to do so. I sat there and my thought process started off fine, but was actually way off; "you are fine, this is where you want to be, just stand up because you know you can, feel the line underneath you....but don't fall, and if you fall you will be fine....". Its interesting, if you even think about falling at all, you fall! For a while sending lines was super important to me. I wanted to be the BEST at what I do. But what I've realized is that's too much pressure for me and that's not why I am involved in the sport to begin with. After trying, and trying, and trying yesterday and falling, and falling, and falling I realized that it's OK for me to accept defeat. It's okay to feel beaten and tired and say "enough". It's okay to feel good about how hard I tried even if I didn't reach my goal. The real reason that I love slacklining and highlining so much is the challenge, the people and the community, not the statistics or how good I am compared to others (although it's difficult to let go of that sometimes!). I grew and learned a lot yesterday without making it all the way across. I laughed a lot yesterday without making it all the way across. I enjoyed watching others try and I even feel accomplished without making it it all the way across. Go me! :-)

330 ft. Longline- First attempts

A bunch of slacklining/highlining boys from Poland are staying at the gym for a few days and yesterday they set up a 330 foot longline in a park right by the gym. I rode my bike over during my break hoping to give it a shot with no expectations whatsoever (considering my longest line has been about 200 ft and this would be a huge leap). The guys were psyched on letting me try it out, so I got on and turned up my iPod featuring Radiohead (my favorite slacking music- of course). My first try I got about halfway across and then came off. What a fight!! The length really creates reverberations through the line that are SO hard to control. But it was SO much fun. It's such a mental and physical challenge and I love that. The guys re-tentioned the line a bit and then I got to give it another shot. This time I made it ALMOST all the way across until about 10-15 feet from the end!!! AH!!! It took so much effort and concentration to get there, to fight through every little distraction and movement and then BAM- off. I was so close that I couldn't help but shed a tear. It's funny; of course I was disappointed and wanted to send...but there's something about trying and failing that makes things worthwhile.

Moab in 2 weeks!!!

I'm going to Moab in only two weeks!!!! I am SO psyched I can't even express it....It's been about 4 months since I've done REAL highlines, well okay....maybe not that long. But still! It's also been a ridiculous amount of time since I've had a significant time off from work, so I am a happy girl :-) I've also moved into my new apartment, which has been lovely. It's nice to no longer live in a shed...(yes, you heard me). Electricity is definitely nice to have. Belle is also quite happy to have more room to be her silly little self.

In addition, it's been over a year and a half since I have seen my mother (and over a year since I've seen my father)- so they are coming to visit me in December!!! My sister is coming too but she's is STAYING in the bay area. Yahoo!! Things are happening, folks.

Not too much else to report right now....I'll be sure to update after the trip to Moab!

Kankles

Haven't written in a while! I've been busy moving and spending time w/ Brian, who recently sprained his ankle pretty badly doing flips on the slackline. We haven't been able to do very much because of it! But, we've been playing a lot of Scrabble, watching the Planet Earth series and spending time at the Gym. Can't wait for him to heal up so we can start climbing outside and setting up more Highlines. I've missed it the past couple of weeks! We were meant to head to Yosemite for a week to set up some lines w/ a few friends, but he sprained his ankle only a few days before we were supposed to leave. Bummer! We'll go, just have to reschedule.

Here's a pic of our attempt to get outside, despite his poor swollen "kankle"!

What have I learned today?

I've decided that every day I am going to write down one thing that I have learned...

9/3 - I learned a whole bunch of climbing technique from Brian...I like him :-)
9/4 - I was sent on an errand for work to a lumber yard. I was very confused and out of place, but I learned how to navigate my way through it. It's funny how the unknown freaks us out.
9/5 - I learned not to drink more than one cup of coffee or else my legs will start uncontrollably jittering. I also learned that being upfront isn't as terrifying as I previously thought.

9/6 - I learned that I must be careful doing lemur leaps on a slackline- or else I might slip off and land on my big toe. Ouchie!!

9/7 - I learned how to rig a mid-line over water, and how to be patient while pulling a whole bunch of weight on a silly little trolly on a dirt trail!

9/8 - I learned that some things are really scary, but just because they are scary doesn't mean you HAVE to do them just to overcome the fear. I didn't want to jump off a 30 ft. cliff because I was scared but I also didn't have a huge DESIRE to do it....therefore, I didn't.

9/9 - Today, I learned not to pop a pimple while at work because it will swell up like a balloon! Also, if you're late for work, you're late for work. There isn't much you can do to change it.

9/10 - I've gone off of my anxiety meds, I expected the worst. But I am happier than ever! (went back on due to severe withdrawal symptoms)
9/29 - I learned that a 12 hour day @ work can actually be quite pleasant w/ a game of scrabble and great company!
9/30 - Today I learned that I can carry my boyfriend on my back pretty far! :-P
10/4 - My medication for anxiety blocks my emotions....going to see someone about getting off of them..I want to feel!
10/5 - I love Radioheads album "In Rainbows".
10/6 - I learned that I really like being happy for other people, it's almost as great as being happy for myself.
10/9 - I learned how Fondu is made!
10/10 - I learned that I'm not the only one that gets stressed out.
10/14 - I learned that my dog is actually capable of learning how to walk nicely on a leash.
10/15 - Today I learned how to use Microsoft Excel! (Kinda)

LAS '09

Highlining in July '09!

It's been a wonderful few weeks for highlining! Jerry, Pierre, Eric & Julien came through while on their 45 day highline trip for Jerry's bachelor party...now that's a badass party! They four of them stayed @ the gym and did local highlines for about two weeks and I got to tag along.

Highlines that we did:

Wildcat Canyon, Richmond CA. 90 feet long...full-babe! Longest line I had sent @ that point...so great! I even tried a few drop-knee's and some turns. It wasn't too high off the ground so it was a great line to practice feeling comfortable. This is a pic of Damian on the line @ sunset.

Riots Ruins, Marin CA. 180 foot highline with a gorgeous view of the Golden Gate Bridge and San Francisco. A gnarly approach but worth it, except that the boys got busted and were fined $75 dollars each for "walking off trail"!!! BLAH. Here's a pic of my attempts...didn't get very far, but had a blast trying.


Mt. Tam Highline, Marin CA. Approximately 110-120 foot highline on the top of Mt. Tam. Beautiful exposure...the fog was rolling in from the ocean over the hills, it was like we were somewhere else looking down on earth. Didn't send this line.. I tried so hard and got so bruised up!! I even went back the next week w/ Damian and some other highliners from Germany (Sebastian and Samuel)...and still didn't send. AH! This is my new project, for sure. When Andy gets home from his travels I'm gonna make him go back w/ me :)


Hole Rock, Calistoga CA. 75 foot highline near Napa Valley...full-babe. This is the most beautiful highline I've done. I know...you might expect that the Spire would always be my favorite because it was my first real highline and it's just....the Spire! But this one just took my breath away. There was something about it. It was a challenge for me being so exposed so I had to push myself a lot. It was at sunset when I sent with a slight breeze....perfect.


Longlines:

The boys set up a bunch of longlines while they were here...I only really attempted one, 210 feet. We set it up near Lake Anza in Berkeley, CA. I tried a bunch of times and kept falling off right in the middle. All the boys sent, and then when they were about to start de-rigging they asked me if I wanted to try once more....and I sent!!! Such an amazing feeling, it's hard for me to put into words how it feels when you send a line you didn't think you could...


Anyway! That's just a little synopsis of the past couple weeks...I'm sad the boys are gone, it was fun having them around!

haaaappy 4th

happy fourth of july! it turned out to be nice sunny day here in the bay, a little too sunny! got a bit of a burn :-/ but i had a good time at the fair in el cerrito where bridges had a booth set up. we got to spend the day outside slacklining all day! god i love my job. i have the next two days off....what shall i do with my time?!? i guess we'll see. d and i might set up a 250 ft. line which should be fun; i hope i can even stand up on it! the longest i've walked is probably about 80 feet or so.

the house in NH has been sold....makes me sad. i don't think i will be able to get back there before the family moves out. it's amazing how things change! when there's no more house, where is home? i guess home is here now.

scratch, scratch...who's there?

so after the lost arrow spire trip, i just couldn't resist going back YET AGAIN to Yosemite! some guys from the gibbon slackline tour were headed up that way, so andy and i decided to join them. yet another 3 hour hike with excessively large packs, but yet another great time! this time i even encountered my first bear (named number 6 due to the tag on his ear). number 6 was ruthless with the stealing our food thing! unfortunately andy and i didn't have a bear box and so were hoping to shove our food into other peoples...but there was no room. SO, we hung our food in andy's bag from a tree hoping that nobody (meaning bears) would get to it. apparently number 6 was quite hungry! he dragged andy's pack into the woods, spewing everything in every direction. he even clawed our tent leaving lovely holes, AND stole andy's apple from INSIDE his coat pocket. fabulous. freddy made the best joke..."scratch scratch...who's there?...number...number who?...number 6!!"

besides number six, it was a fabulous time! the Yosemite Falls Line got rigged in about 3.5 hours, which was faster than we expected. so we got about 8 hours of daylight to play around. andy sent and jeremey sent, the rest of us gave lots of go's! i went out and sat on the line & tried a sit start, but just couldn't get myself to stand up! the rushing water underneath and the fact that the line was a bit long for me was too much! i can't wait to try again. i did crawl out to the middle though and play around. fun stuff!! (see my facebook photo albums for fun pics). patrick went out and sat on the line, mike made it about 3/4 of the way (then sent it a few days later) and freddy tried some sit starts. i met some great people on this trip, so much fun! i wish i could slack all day every day.

we had to head back after only 2 days because i had to work, but it was so worth it!! yosemite is like heaven for those of you who haven't been yet.

so, now i am back in the bay working at bridges. i love it, but for some reason i am really down. i'm guessing it's because i had so much fun in yosemite that i wish i was still there! and the fact that i am struggling to let go of a certain person who really only causes me grief. i know that there are so many things in life to be happy about, i have such great friends and the best job ever...i just can't help but feel a bit lonely. but aren't we all? i mean- even when i was in a relationship that was almost perfect, i never felt quite right and was always searching for more. maybe we'll never feel like everythings in the right place. or maybe it's just allowing yourself to be happy regardless of your situation. i am also pretty upset because theres a very large chance that the footage of my walk of the lost arrow spire has been lost. i know in my heart that it's not the footage that matters and i also know that i will never forget that experience as long as i live, i just can't stop thinking about the stupid tape!

anyway, i think the beatles sum it up in only a few words: "pools of sorrow, waves of joy". that's life, right? truly happy one minute, devestated the next. it's such a cycle. my goal is to allow myself to ride life's emotional ups and downs with ease rather than falling so deeply into my emotions. wish me luck.

lost arrow spire

It has been a goal of mine for about three months now to walk the Lost Arrow Spire Highline in Yosemite National Park. I started slacklining (kind of like tight rope walking, but the line moves underneath you as your walk) just about when I began working at a Rock Climbing gym in El Cerrito,CA called Bridges. My friend and boss Damian Cooksey (one of the best slackliners on the planet! no really, it's true) and I had planned to go in the beginning of July to rig the line and make a trip out of it, but it turned out that some of our friends were already up there in June and the line had been rigged...so it was really temping to just drive out there and walk it! On Friday night we decided to do it, spur of the moment. We left at midnight, drove for a few hours and got to a campsite about 40 minutes outside of the Valley. We drove in but couldn't seem to find the actual campsite! We were way too tired to search so we got out our sleeping bags and slept on the ground in the middle of the RV campsite. Good thing nobody caught us. Such rebels :-P

The next morning we got up real early and drove into the Valley. We had to clear the car of all food and scents to prevent bear break ins and we also had a bag full of food that we didn't want to hike up the trail with us so we were going to put it in one of the big bear bins. Stupidly, out of instinct or something, I threw it away! Damian had climb onto the dumpster and fish it out with his hiking pole. I had thrown away this special sunscreen of his that reminds him of his honeymoon. Oopsies! Good thing Damian is the coolest ever.

We met up with Libby and others that were hiking up to the rim. We all stayed together for a while then Damian and I fell behind. It took about 3 1/2 hours to hike up. Brutal. I was sooo thrilled to get to the top! The whole hike up I could see the Spire Line and on occasion see someone walking it!

We got to the top, were soaked with sweat, and it was freeeeezing up there! So we bundled up and sat and watched while our friends Andy and Jenna walked the line. Jenna had sent it the day before, 2nd woman in the world!!

Storm clouds were rolling in, so Damian and I decided to get our butts down there and try it out. We had to repel from the top down to the flake where we could sit and prepare. I hadn't repelled like that in a while so i was a little freaked out. When we got to the flake I was feeling alright; not too nervous just yet. I decided to just give it a go rather than lingering there and thinking about it for hours. It was really cold and actually snowing a bit! I was wearing about 4 layers. Damian set up so that he could hold my hand for the first couple of feet. I felt like I was going to throw up once I stepped onto the line. It took me a little while to gather myself, but surprisingly I just went for it. I took my first couple of steps, let go of Damian's hand and off I went! I was pretty solid until I got to the center and the line changed (it feels a lot looser in the middle and it can throw you off). I started to lose control, my mind started to race and I bailed. Almost lost my favorite scarf while hanging upside down! There were two guys on the Spire that had just climbed it, and Damian was on the flake so I felt pretty comfortable and less alone than I expected to while dangling 3,000 above the Valley floor! I pulled myself back to the flake and let Damian give it a go. After a while I started to shake both from the cold and from the fear, so we jugged back up. Funny stuff actually. It was my first time "jugging" up a rope (you use aiders and walk up the rock while attached to the rope, and it's actually very difficult to figure out the flow of things!) I ended up swinging about 15 feet into Damian. Check out the photos and you'll see us struggling, it's hilarious.

We spent the night next to the fire drinking wine, "smacking the teet" (a silly game where you smack a bag of wine), giggling, telling stories, etc. Damian and I had to set up our "tent" in the dark and it was the most ridiculous piece of equipment we had EVER experienced. I don't think I could even begin to describe this thing. It must have been a scene. Anyway, we finally got it set up so that we wouldn't get rained upon. Goodnight.

When we woke the next morning, the weather was perfect! Sunny skies, a bit chilly, but no rain. We ate breakfast and headed back over to the Spire. When we got there Becca was walking; she sent it that morning! Both ways! 3rd woman in the world!!

When I got down to the flake that morning, I was more scared than the day before. I didn't expect that at all. I was shaking uncontrollably and my mind was playing games with me. We got a call from Libby while we were out there; she told us that the rangers were possibly going to come up and make us take the line down, so the pressure was on for me to send it! I went for it. The first steps were the hardest mentally, I just had to steady myself for the rest of the walk. I moved slower this time which helped a lot. Damian encouraged me the whole time, reminding me to breathe, to move nice and slow, and not to think about anything but the moment. I couldn't let myself think about the end or else I knew i would lose it. I'd been practicing on a longer line for weeks at the gym, so this was a walk in the park skill wise. It was the mental part that was getting to me. I lost my balance a bit in the middle but saved it this time! The last few steps....I didn't let myself panic, and there I was!! I made it! It was such a strong feeling of accomplishment that I felt like I was dreaming. I couldn't believe that I had actually done it. I had just become the 4th woman in the world to send the Lost Arrow Spire Highline!!!

It was the most incredible feeling, sitting out there all alone. I felt like I was on top of the world, maybe in heaven. It was so beautiful and I felt so proud, yet I couldn't stop my legs from shaking! I was pretty terrified thinking about what I was going to do next. I tried to ignore that and just enjoy the moment, the view, and the glory of reaching my goal. I didn't have a hand to hold this time and I was not yet comfortable doing a sit start (where you scoot out a bit onto the line and start from a sitting position). I decided to crawl back (pulley myself back underneath the line). This was more comfortable for some reason. I wonder what makes it so much scarier to stand up! I asked myself whether or not I would be disappointed if i didn't walk back. I decided that for me, just getting to the Spire was enough. Next time i will send it both directions, I know it!

I got back to Damian and a weight was just lifted from me. Some of the fear and shaking went away. I sat and watched him play around on the line for a while then it got too cold to sit there anymore. I'm trying not to forget these feelings; I honestly can''t believe that I actually did it....

the first step is the battle

@ work and running out of things to do. so i thought i would write even though there isn't too much to write about...i don't think. except for the fact that i sent my first real outdoor highline last night! damian has one set up outside his house between two trees so we went after i got off of work. so fun! standing there for the first few minutes i really started to ask myself why i would even want to do such a thing. it's so scary just standing there, unsure about taking the first step, your mind telling you not to go! but once you do take the first step you realize it's not so bad, and when you get to the other side it's so satisfying and it's clear why you were there in the first place. i can't WAIT to do more highlines, i'm training for the spire and i want to be completely ready. i do not want to get all the way up there and chicken out. that's the last thing that i want, so it won't happen, i won't let it.

office phone is ringing but it's locked in damian's office. great.

i've recently discovered matt costa and i love his music. i recommend checking it out!

that's all.

bad moods are no fun

rough day today...really bad mood for some reason. woke up really late which made me feel super groggy. found out that poor melanie is having a lot of issues with the whole job search thing and signed a lease before she got a job....so she might have to move back to new hampshire which saddens me!!! i dont want miss melanie to leave. we went to the city so that mel could meet with a lady about being an egg donor....which may sound really strange but it pays 7.500 dollars! not only that but it seems so rewarding to provide a couple with such an opportunity they couldn't have otherwise. the only issue that i have with the whole thing is that there are soo many kids in the world without families so why create more? i truly think that adopting is a wonderful option for couples who can't conceive. i do realize that a lot of couples want to go through the 9 month period and the childbirth...but it just makes me so sad how many kids there are without homes and families of their own.

on a separate note, it smells like dog urine. my dog's urine. i keep spraying the area but it's not helping!!!! ahhhh pet smells.

sorry that this post is so negative, for whomever may be reading it. i am so crabby. i have my period, a headache, feel really lonely and will be very sad if melanie has to leave. am really not happy about my parent's moving out of the house i grew up in....blah. maybe i should make aa list of all the wonderful things in my life to make myself feel better.

1) i love my job.
2) my dog is really really cute.
3) i am going to yosemite in a little over a month!
4) i'm healthy.
5) i found a house right near my job and i'm moving in 2 weeks!
6) i loooove my bosses.
7) i'm getting a lot better @ climbing.
8) i'm going to be in a climbing/adventure film that comes out next year!
9) i live in the bay area...best place ever.
10) lately i've had the giggles like WHOA. it's fabulous.

stomp stomp stomp...

@ work with belle belle...she's looking out the window at some guy in a truck as if it's the most interesting thing she's ever seen. i like her.

i am so happy today, i finally found housing that's super close to work and it's a huge weight off my back. i heard a lot of stuff yesterday about a particular roommate (in my current housing situation) that doesn't like me because i walk loudly throughout the house. and when i call belle to come in from outside, it's loud. please note that her complaints range from morning, afternoon, evening to night. one time she came upstairs at 6pm and complained that we were stomping on the floor in the kitchen. first of all, it's 6pm. second of all, we werent stomping, we were walking like normal human beings. one should not expect their roommates to read their mind and assume they are sleeping at such an hour. melanie and i had quite a laugh over that one. it's true, i've always been a loud walker. but really, living with other people means that you need to adjust and learn new ways of handling situations. for example, sleeping with earplugs. or turning on a fan or music. or, nicely saying "could you try to walk a little more quietly?" for a while there, i thought that i was incapable of living with other people because she made me feel so uncomfortable but then mel reminded me that i have lived with others in many situationss very successfully. it's true, i guess this situation just wasn't ideal. this person has a lot of other issues that i feel i shouldn't dislose in my blog (like not even paying rent...) or even worry about so i think i will stop here.

better news, my dad got a job! isn't that fab? it's been a while since he's been making any money so i am thrilled for him and for my family as a whole. i hope that i can see my family sometime soon. i hate being 3,000 miles away from them! they're selling the house so maybe they will move out to CA! :) doubtful but i can hope! it's kinda weird not having my family out here and having to create one of my own...right now it's just me and belle. it's nice, learning to support myself more than just financially. i guess friends can be the family you make for youself as well.

well...more later.

in the astral plane...

i am feeling pretty lonely lately but am trying my hardest to feel comfortable alone. i have so many great people in my life yet i find myself missing someone. i am hesitant to write about it because it's so personal...but what i'll say is that i saw you in my dreams last night and i am hoping that you saw me too.

do you ever wonder if in dreams we are actually connecting with people? i was talking w/ my roommate about this tonight and it's amazing to think that it's possible. he believes that when you see someone you know in your dreams, you are saying hi to them and it doesn't matter whether or not they remember...he says that he keeps in contact with a lot of his friends in the astral plane rather than in real life because they either live far away or they are no longer playing a big part in his day to day life. i think that's pretty cool!

on a more positive note, went to the park today with the doggies and watched them frollick around....worked out at the gym and took a sauna which was soooo lovely. spent the day with just myself and the dogs, it was nice to take some personal timme. speaking of personal time i am searching for my own studio apartment so that i can have my own space....that would be sooo wonderful to have my own space to decorate how i want, to keep clean or messy if i want....etc. i am getting so frustrated searching but i need to learn to be patient. i am a person that definitely wants/needs instant gratification and that's not a good thing. i am working on that.

good for my soul

i've decided to start blogging on here because it has cool backrounds! (unlike facebook).

so i'm @ work and it's dead....thought i'd write a bit about my current life. i love my job. i get to be at the gym all the time, meet really cool people, teach kids how to climb/slackline and work kids birthday parties. i love my friends & my new hobbies. i've fallen in love w/ slacklining! in july i am going to try and walk the lost arrow spire highline in yosemite. damian is going to rig it for me and some friends will be joining as well. i am so thrilled! i went to yosemite this past weekend for the first time since i was 12 and it was mesmorizing. i was only able to stay for a day and a half and i wanted to stay so badly! hopefully i'll get a chance to go back before the spire trip. and maybe then i'll be able to bring belle (my dog) with me. i had to leave her here last time.

i recently heard from my dad that he has gotten a job offer which is FABULOUS news for our family. it's been a while since he's been making any money and it's a huge relief for my mom, my sister, and i. they will be selling the house which is really sad, i may not get to see it one last time before they pack up and leave....but i guess that the possibility of moving out here to california is an option for them, which is exciting! i'd love for my family to live close to me. i love new hampshire and all, but it'd be so nice not to have to go back there to see them...although all of my cousins/aunts/uncles live there....boo why can't we all just live in one reallllly cool place, like california?!

well that's all for now....

my vent session, please enjoy

so, for the past week people have felt the need to confront me with completely and uitterly ridiculous things.

for example: i park on the street in front of my house daily and the ONE time i park in front of this particular neighbors house, the ONE time i don't pull up completely to the border of where the spot ends and the driveway begins, i get a note on the car explaining to me that i am taking up two spots and need to think about leaving room for her when CLEARLY there are a plethera of parking spots available for her use. i mean, i would understand leaving a note for a repeat offender, but i know for a fact that i am not a selfish parker!

second example: i'm on my porch and the husband of this same neighbor decides to tell me that i need to start picking up dog poop in the shared backyard because it hinders their enjoyment of it...well, sir, if i had ever seen you in the backyard that is infested with weeds and grass up to your chest then i would consider picking up my dogs poop (that is so disturbing to you when you are IN YOUR HOUSE all the time).

third example: i'm walking around the kitchen (which is upstairs in the house) at 6pm. minutes later, a roommate comes upstairs and complains that she can hear every move i am making. well you know, since it's clearly dinner time and there is no way for me to know (unless maybe you had told me) that you are trying to sleep at such an hour, please do not expect me to walk on my tip toes around my own kitchen, thanks.

fourth (and best) example: i show up to look at a new place to live because my living situation is far less than ideal right now (for various un-mentioned reasons). i call the lady because i cant seem to find the house. she answers with "this is shale, how may i help you", gives me attitude about having another phone call and tells me she'll open the door and come out. she does. i am standing at the gate with my dog and she yells "you can't bring your dog in here!!" hmm...confused, i recall that we had had a phone conversation about having the dogs meet outside first, so i mention this to her. she raises her voice to me that i should go put my dog in the car...i'm freaked out that a stranger is yelling at me when she's supposed to be showing me a room to rent (you would think that people would be on their best behavior for such an event). so i say "well, i'm feeling a weird vibe from you so i am going to leave". her response is...prepare yourselves it's a good one..."well you're too fucking stupid to even find the place!!!"



CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


as my roommate says "mercury is in retrograde"...apparently this is something to do with the stars and it causes people to act strangely and for things to go very wrong...i think i might be buying into this idea...

Yosemite May '09!

had such a fabulous weekend in Yosemite! i spent all day Sunday helping with a climbing/adventure film that comes out next year and got my first taste of what it's like to be filmed/what it's like for a film maker! it's amazing everything we went through just to get a few minutes of footage.

we spent so much time figuring out where to set up the slackline (the best lighting, best backround, best angles, etc) then ended up getting halfway through the rigging over a river and got shut down by a ranger who didn't know what he was talking about (technically we CAN rig slacklines over water, as long as they arent attached to any structures/machinery/build

ings). poor Jason waded up to his chest in freezing water to rig this thing and then it was for nothing! we decided to rig in a marshy field after that with the half dome in the backround at sunset which was beautiful but the mosquitoes we're horrendous!! i was in a sports bra for the filming and got absolutely eaten alive (see below) but it was worth the experience for sure. can't wait to see the film! i'm only going to be in about 10 seconds of it but still, that's so fun! i've never been filmed like that before!

i can't wait to go back to Yosemite in july for the Spire trip. if anyone is interested in coming, let me know. it's going to be "an epic"! mel and i heard this phrase in some movie and decided it's worth using :0)

we just have to make it through

life is insane. i swear it gets harder and harder by the minute. when i was a kid, i never would have imagined the difficulty that i would go through. just the everyday stuff is hard, like sitting in traffic when you're already late, waking up and realizing that theres no more milk for breakfast, having to smile at someone even though you're in a terrible mood. then there are the bigger things like not being able to make rent without sacrificing something big, like food. or, you're dog gets sick and you have to pay 100 bucks just to have her seen by a vet, you find out your parents are selling the house, you've gained five pounds. or the huge things like, you can no longer afford crucial medication that keeps you sane, you're friend tragically died in an accident and you can't afford to make the funeral.

but then there are the everyday things that make you smile like seeing a little girl hold her mothers hand across the street, feeling the breeze on your face as you walk, meeting someone new, laughing hysterically with a friend, or hearing your favorite song on the radio. the big things like winning a contest, getting a compliment, hearing that your best friend is engaged, or that you got your dream job. and then the biggset things of all, like falling in love, seeing the sunset from the top of a mountain, accomplishing a goal or even realizing that after all, life is just a big game of ups and downs and learning how to handle them is the greatest test of them all.

new eyes

it's so hot in california right now, i can't believe it! i haven't sweat like this in a while. it's nice though, summer is almost here! officially! i am loving california and don't think i ever plan on leaving (which is weird for me because i have moved SO much). it kind of excites me that i've found a place i really like and feel comfortable with.

as for life in general, i've met someone that has really opened my eyes to living in the moment. i've always been a very happy person, but never really understood how to live like it was my last day. or to do things just for the hell of it. or to try things that scare me to the point of shaking. all of these things have opened my eyes to a new way of life and i am loving it! i feel more free, more open to possibilities and my brain is more willing to wander instead of just living day to day with the same old thing over and over again.

i used to be pretty philosophical and for some reason over the past few years i stopped thinking about the meaning of things. lately, i've started wondering again and it's so refreshing! almost anything sparks a thought about the origins of life, why we're here, if everything is truly connected in an uncomprehensable way. it's like everything has color again. i am so grateful :)

thanks andy.

the uncomfortable survey

THE UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY
(Lets see if you can get through it. If not, then you're too scared about your past.)

-Longest relationship: a year and four months
-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have told you that they love you?: five
-How many of them meant it when they said they loved you? two
-Have you ever thought you were going to marry the person you were with?: yes
-Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? definitely
-Have you ever made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? yes
-Are you happier single or in a relationship? it depends
-Have you ever been cheated on? not that i am aware of
-Have you ever had your heart broken? i'm going to go with a hell YES
-Have you ever broken someone's heart? i think i have
-Talk to any of your ex's? on occasion
-Think any of your ex's still feel the same way they did about you when you were dating? don't think so
-Do you think you are a good boyfriend/girlfriend? i try my darndest
-Ever dated someone that wasn't good to you? a few times, yes.
-Have you dated someone older than you? yes
-Dated someone younger than you? yes but only by a year :)
-Do you regret anything that you have or haven't done with a boyfriend/girlfriend? of course i have regrets, but i try not to let them hinder my life
-Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? absolutely
-Believe in love at first sight? no, i believe in lust at first sight, or a familiar feeling. but not love.
-Ever been given an engagement ring? no
-Do you have something to say to any of your ex's? no not really
-Ever stolen someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend? yes, but that's life. i'm sure i've had a boyfriend stolen from me as well.
-Ever liked someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend? yep.
-Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? oh yes. worst feeling besides being tattooed, or falling on your tailbone. or being hit in the nose with a soccer ball.

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Emily
Birth Date: July 23rd
Current Location: El Cerrito CA
Hair Color: very dark brown
Righty/Lefty: righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fears: not finding what it is that i am meant to find in life, being lonely, losing someone i love
Your dream of the perfect date: there are many perfect date scenerios
Goal you'd like to achieve: i'd like to feel content with just me, no material posessions, nobody else, just me.
Your best friend: Jenelle Prince

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: my throat hurts too kristen!
Your best physical feature: i like my eyes
Your bed time: whenever i'm tired, usually 11 or 12
Your most missed memory: first year as a camp counselor (2005)

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: COKE
McDonald's or Burger King: neither i like wendys :)
Single or Group Dates: single dates
Adidas or Nike: adidas because i used to wear the sambas all the time
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate everything, except for lattes. i like vanilla lattes.
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino please.

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Cuss: yes
Take showers: of course
Have a crush: yes :)
Like school: yes but i'm over it for now
Believe in yourself: i do
Believe what goes around comes around: with all my heart
Believe everything happens for a reason: yes, i believe that.
Think you're a health freak: yeah in a way.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: no
Been on stage: if you count slacklining in front of tons of people then yes
Eaten sushi: ew no
Been hurt: yes
Dyed your hair: nope

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: haha yes
Kissed the same sex: yeah
Got beaten up: i've been hit
Changed who you were to fit in: no, or at least i've tried not to do that

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you're hoping to be married by: i don't believe in marriage
Number of kids you're planning on having: who knows!

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: blue
Best hair color: dark brown
Short or long hair: long-ish
Fat or fit: fit
Looks or personality: personality is more important but looks don't hurt
Fun or serious: FUN

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: answering the phone
1 HOUR AGO: sitting at the front desk
1 WEEK AGO: missing someone
1 YEAR AGO: working at a doggie place.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: content
I HATE: being sick
I HIDE: my anxiety
I NEED: the sunshine
I LOVE: my dog
I WANT: to reach my goal of walking the spire this summer

firsts

hese things kick ass! Everyone's got to do them, c'mon! (i agree, jeff)

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Jimi Connolly. first and only prom date.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
on occasion.

3. What was your 1st alcoholic drink?
i believe that it was straight rum, new years '04. yes, i waited til i was 17 to drink for the first time....loser!

4. What was your FIRST job?
summer freeze!!!

5. What was your FIRST car?
Jebodiah, a little red beauty. Honda civic hatchback. so many good memories driving to the beach, braving the snow....i truly miss him. he saved my life you know.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
Jenelle, my newly engaged best friend.

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
Myself. I'm sick, so clearly I thought to myself "poor, poor me. this sucks"

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
uhhh. who remembers that type of thing? all those grades mesh together.

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
I'm going to assume it was when we moved to Texas from Connecticut.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
My first best friend was Jenelle Prince, and yes we still talk! We're still best friends.

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
At some girl Anna's when I was about 5. I remember she stole my pillow, so i bit her.

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
well, didn't talk to anyone til about 2 o'clock when i decided to get out of bed. in person, the first person i talked too was erin when she got home at 5. i'm sick people, gimme a break.

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
i have never been in a wedding, but i am assuming the first wedding i will be in is my best friend Jenelles :)

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
coughed.

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Nsync!!! yeah!!

16. FIRST tattoo?
First and only. Chinese symbol that means strength on my left foot. No, it's not the number 4.

17. First piercing?
Ears when I was 7.

18. First foreign country you've been to?
If Canada counts, then Canada. If not, England.

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
Beauty and the Beast, IN THE THEATRE. I remember crying when Gaston went after the beast, I crawled into my Grandmas lap.

20. When was your FIRST detention?
hahah good one. I was walking with my 7th grade glass to this thing called "kids vote". it was winter, and some jerk in my class who shall remain nameless because facebook is totally not secretive, decided to give me a "white wash" (for those of you not from new england, it's when you shove snow into someones face). so, i took it upon myself to throw him into the snow. unfortunately, the teacher only saw my part of the interaction and i got a weeks worth of lunch detentions. the teacher was Mr. Brown. remember him?!?!

21. What was the first state you lived in?
Connecticut

22. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Amanda Nadeau! goodtimes in our freshman dorm room.

23. If you had one wish. What would it be?
That's not a first.

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
Well, i am currently working on my spanish. I would also like to learn about why mean people are mean.

25. Who do you think will be the next person to post this?
Toe-nails. do it.

just for fun

Here's how it works:
1. Open your library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie about the songs (they can be funny if you just leave them)

1. What's my mood like right now?
Your Song- Ewan McGreggor (Moulin Rouge)

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
For You To Notice- Dashboard Confessional

3. What kind of person am I?
Red Oyster Cult- Guster .... I love it!! "If you drink the whole cup, you will never grow up...you will never grow old"

4. Am I loved?
Free of Me- Joshua Radin (doesn't sound promising) ....what i need are more bandages, they've torn over time

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
Here With Me- Dido

6. What should I do with my life?
Paul- Smoking Popes

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
Dejalo- Rilo Kiley

8. What is my best quality?
The Model- Belle and Sebastian

9. How does my social life look?
Daughters- John Mayer

10. What's the meaning of life?
The Scientist- Johnette Napolitan and Danny Lohner

11. What do people think of me?
The Way I Are- Timbaland

12. Would I make a good lover?
LOVE TODAY- MIKA ( so clearly, yes)

13. How crazy am I?
One of those days- joshua radin

14. Will I have a good life in general?
I'll do anything- jason mraz

15. Can (insert name here) ever really love me?
duncan- delia spirit

16. Can me and (insert name here) ever be more than friends?
turpentine chaser- dashboard confessional

17. What's going to happen to me this week?
white winter hymnal- the fleet foxes

18. Where will I be a year from now?
the winner takes it all- abba

19. What is my fondest wish?
baricade- the stars

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment?
rebellion (lies) - arcade fire

21. How did my parents meet?
the good kind- michelle branch

22. How will I die?
the trouble with love is- kelly clarkson

23. What song will be played at my funeral?
when you were young- the killers

24. What will I dream about tonight?
should've said no- taylor swift

25 What should I be working on right now?
just a dream- carrie underwood

26. What's my roommate up to currently?
sore thumb- the format

27. What did I do last weekend?
good friend- plants and animals

28. Describe me?
creepin' up the back stairs- the fratellis

where i stood- missy higgins

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

twenty five things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You can tag the person who tagged you but don't do it if you don't want to. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “NOTES” under tabs on your "PROFILE" page (you may have to add the tab by clicking on the + sign), click on "Compose New Messsage" and paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)


1. I like kids, but dogs are better.

2. The Stars are probably the best band I've heard in a while.

3. Someday I want to own a speed boat so I can take my friends out and go waterskiing whenever I please.

4. Spiders scare the shit out of me.

5. I think that a lot of people miss the wonderful things in life because they move too fast and get caught up in daily routines (often, I am one of these people).

6. I am judgemental; I'm working on that.

7. Something I hate about myself: my laziness.

8. Something I love about myself: my sense of humor.

9. I've lived in 8 states.

10. I never thought I'd be a college drop-out, but I am.

11. Yes, I've been in the drunk tank.

12. I'm very indecisive and cannot for the life of me choose something to pursue as a career because I'm afraid I will get sick of anything that I choose.

13. I think toes are cute.

14. My dog eats poop and then licks my face and somehow this no longer bothers me.

15. I worry way too much.

16. Last year I found out that I have an extra vertebrate that is out of place and fused to my hip bone.

17. I was born with a full head of hair.

18. I kind of resent my father for not being able to send me to college and I feel terrible for it.

19. It takes me a really long time to get over things.

20. Recently I've become very interested in horoscopes.

21. The smell of library books makes me feel sick to my stomach, it's very strange.

22. I am a firm believer in karma.

23. When I was little I was the most selfish person you'd ever meet.

24. If I could be any animal I would be a dolphin.

25. I believe everyone we meet has something to teach us.

"the way life should be"

today i really miss camp memories and all my favorites so i would like to take a moment to remember some fabulous times and let you all know how much i love you!

lynde- remember when we would make ridiculous noises over the radios and annoy people? and sit around the fire yelling at the older girls to be quiet when we were really just gossiping and eating lots of marshmallows. oh and of course your unforgettable blister exploding all over dentons face, and our impression of bob running over ogie (ohhh nooooooooooooo). NYE SF! we need to start planning our next trip.

julia- i miss work crew and how hilarious it was. orange hats. party on the beach (lynde getting practically naked and sitting on you). you prancing around pretending your knee was healed. our crazy nicknames. "this is why WE'RE HOTT". adventures in new hampshire, north carolina and now california. you're such a great friend :)

snoopie poopie- putting human characteristics upon animals, specifically seagulls. riding the gator. "meyum meyum meyum". the OUJI board (i think i spelled it wrong). hide and seek in the playhouse with tony. mulch. polyeurothaning the lodge approximately 4 times. cold wet rainy days and space heaters in oak. you witnessing a small french boy stripping on the tennis courts.

wes- running together. texting. ghost riding. laughing and sitting outside the staff lounge in our spot. our obsession w. merrit and his lawn mower. learning so much.

denton- i miss saying your name to the tune of mario..."dentondentondenton". pats pizza. riculous work crew memories. putting the docks together. when are you moving to california?

toenails- i miss our meetings in manch vegas during the off season. speeding through red lights. me trying to push you over and never succeeding. work crew tv nights and diving to the bottom of the lake to find the morrings (or watching you do it). big buck hunter. watching you ride around in the gator de-bugging camp. releasing the hounds.

doug- lifeguarding course. being an hour late to it. 9 nipples. you walking around and explaining in detail what everyone in your sight was doing.

phil- you breaking multiple benches, a boat, a cabin, and everything in your sight basically. you crack me up.

ryan- your stench. fun in portsmouth for the KP reunion. the north carolina state fair...ew. california love.

alice- don't even know where to begin. i'll start w/ trackie bottoms. your bug bites and vaseline. AS IF! our adventures in london. skinny dipping. family camp. rattlesnake memories from back in '05. you dancing to britney spears in the playhouse in the most ridiculous outfit i'd ever seen. such good days.

james and aidan- best foreign boys i know. such great times at the beach, on the boats, staff lounge craziness. rattlesnake adventures, family camp. how about that time we all piled into my studio apartment and could hardly breath it was so hot and sweaty.

GW- gosh....how about work crew 06. chopping lots of wood, drinking starbucks. being late in the morning. you losing your glasses in the lake. trips to portland. piling into a tent at the launch pad and trying to talk to spirits in the rain.

danimal- the SCAB. orangie 1. orangie 2. orangie 3. the funerals. you getting pulled over in my saab. laughter in general.

you only meet your once in a lifetime friend once in a lifetime

"i believe that one friend can save you from total misery"- from the book stone garden... i believe it too.

thank you jenelle for always being there. 11 years and you are STILL listening to my crap. i don't know how to thank you enough. i seriously don't think i would be sane without you as my friend<3

dog bites and side mirrors

picnic in berkeley:

belle decides to attack two foreign people sitting on a blanket (when i say attack, i mean with kisses). the couple starts SCREAMING as if belle is some sort of beast about to eat them alive. i've honestly never seen anyone react to a dog that way before! especially one thats trying to give them kisses, not canines in their flesh.

erin, lara and i start walking towards the actual dog park and we hear "CRACK". surely that was the sound of a biker smashing into someones side-view mirror. sure enough, a homeless looking bicyclist crashed into MY side view mirror while i happened to be walking by. i honestly had no idea what to do, so i shrugged my shoulders and walked on.

we enter the dog park and chill for a bit. theres this woman, about 30 maybe, carrying a really old cocker spaniel in her arms while her other dog played. a pack of dogs starts heading towards her, she's not looking and BAM her legs are taken out from under her and she's airborn and hits the ground all the while not letting go of the dog (who isn't even phased by the event whatsoever). i honestly had to bite my tongue because the dog's reaction, or lack there of, was just classic! his ears flew up as they were falling and his facial expression was as if he was thinking "welp, we're goin down i guess.....?"


dog park in mill valley:

i'm standing watching the dogs play when two dogs start trying to play with belle. she doesn't seem to like it all and starts to snarl and do her whole screaming "get the fuck away from me!!!!" deal. the dogs decide to attack so i grab belle while the other owners grab their dogs and belle's SO riled up that she lunges to bite one of the dogs but instead latches onto my arm and CLAMPS down full force. seriously, who bites their mom? then some lady from across the park decides that she wants to walk all the way over to tell me how i didn't handle the situation properly and that i shouldnt reprimand belle because she didnt do anything wrong and that it's gonna mess her up mentally.

THEN belle decides to chase a dog about a quarter of a mile down the path away from the dog park so i had to chase her yelling and screaming in my boots and pea coat all pissed off. my dog is NOT behaving and it's most likely all my fault. great.